My Father

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My Father

My father had a problem with drugs.

The addiction came after many years of taking prescription pain killers,

These pain killers were very powerful opiates, taken for a neck injury that occurred from a car crash.

Back in the early 80's doctors didn't know and understand much about the function,

of nerves in the back, and neck area. Surgeries involving the back and the neck were often very risky,

and expensive, the risks of being paralyzed for life, often made it easier for doctors to prescribe pain killers.

I remember when I was a kid, my dad would tell me to never just take what the doctors say...

He taught me how to read medical books, and to see for my self what a medication will do to you...

He was educating me at a young age, before I really understood what drugs really were...

I remember having to assist my father with his injections of the "Doctors Medication" every day.

He would have me inject him with a syringe in the back of the neck.

I didn't think it was actually hurting him, and causing him to destroy his life..

I thought it was going to make him better.......

Later after his death, I learn that the "Doctors Medication" had stopped working for his pain,

My father then started using his own opiate+stimulant coital for his daily injections...

His life was slipping away...

His business went bankrupted,

his house was foreclosed, and his wife had lift him....

He sold everything, until he had nothing......

When nothing was left, he was done....

On December 9th 1988, my father, Ernest Richard Scarbrough

committed suicide, by suffocating him self with a plastic bag and a can of R-12 Freeon gas..

I have put these pics here for others to view,

so they may realize the consequences of there decisions to explore the world of Hard drugs...

,Coke, Heroin, Speed and medical prescriptions, are very serious.

This is why I am so interested in the actual chemical effects of drugs,

and why I have such a care for others...

May dad, and Grandma Rose,

My dad and me...I always wanted to be cool like him....

For years I ran from my fathers death, and the reality involved...

I know he had problems, and that he had taken his life, but I didn't know how he did such a thing...

My imagination had produced horrible pictures in my mind. Then when the images started appearing in my dreams,

I knew it was time to face it straight on, and to see for my self just how he had taken his life.

So I decided to view the police photos, and read the reports.

When I opened up the envelope,

I felt close to him, very close. Remembering it now, I haven't felt that close to him, since he was alive.

As I was rolling through to pictures, I felt all the feelings of fear leaving my body.....I couldn't believe it. I thought it was going to be hard,

but it came so easy. When I stumbled upon the final picture of my father, showing his face,

I felt a warm piece over come me...all I could do is crack a small smile...

After it was all over, I felt so sad for him, but at the very same time I felt so happy for it to all be done!...

Book Closed. . .

I am 23 now, and still from time, to time, feel pain from this all, there is much more to the story of my fathers down fall..

and it has hurt us all...My fathers Mother and Father and Sister , suffered the most. Having you're very own son or brother,

not turning to you for help, not getting help from others, then selfishly taking his life......

To anyone thinking about suicide:

don't be a fool, think about others...

And what about me? Did he think of me at all?

Or did he just think of his own discomfort?

Did he think about anyone?

We will never know......

But no matter what, I forgive him anyway....